The System is So Broken

Three children refused to visit their father, stating that he was violent and that they had witnessed him striking their mother. The judge insulted the oldest child’s IQ. Then sentenced him and his siblings to juvenile detention, stating very specifically that there would be no contact with their mother, her family, and worst of all, no contact with other siblings. Then the judge said that they could stay in there until they bent to her will (to have a healthy relationship with the father) or graduated. They have been in juvie for over two weeks. The children in this story are 15, 10 and 9 years old.

Yes, my friends, this is a true story. A very unfortunate tale that is playing out right before our eyes. A Michigan judge has sentenced three children to juvie for refusing to visit their father. Obviously there are multiple sides to every story. I am sure that neither parent is innocent in this matter. So I am not willing to debate which parent is right. Nor am I willing to debate whether the children’s opinions are right or wrong.

What I will say is that the children are the victims here and that the court system is continuing to further victimize them.  They have not stolen anything. They have not physically hurt anyone. They are not using or dealing drugs. They simply refused to spend time with a person that they consider to be violent. The judge ordered them to do it. They refused. They claim to be genuinely afraid of their father.

Even if they have been brainwashed, as the father and judge claim, they should still not be subjected to more abuse. The court order says that the “plaintiff mother” has refused all court orders. Okay, punish her. Not the children.

And let us not fail to notice that the father is perfectly fine with his children being locked up simply because he didn’t get to see them. How absolutely selfish and self-serving is that?  Instead of protecting his children, he is allowing them to be further abused. Instead of respecting them, he is attempting to force them to bend to his will. Instead of seeing their feelings as real, he wants to have his way regardless of how much damage it does to them.

You do not put children in jail because they refuse to do something that makes them feel unsafe. You do not disrespect their feelings simply because they do not feel the way that you think they should.  If anything, this will make the children cling even more to their mother and hate their father more than ever.

Our system is broken. Our system is so very broken. We victimize the innocent. We allow the adults’ drama to scar children for life. The court not just condoned their abuse, but actually ordered it!

UPDATE:  After so much media outcry, the judge has released the children from juvie and sent them instead to summer camp. There is no word as to if they will be together or if they get to see their mother.

Regression

It was to be expected. I just didn’t expect it to be this bad. SS has regressed almost to where she was when we first got her.  She is bed wetting. And today she had a daytime accident. She was really embarrassed by it. I tried to not make a big deal about it. I just had her put her wet cloths in the laundry and go take a shower. She cried and begged me not to be angry with her. Of course I am not angry at all. Just sad that my girl has to go through all this.

Her RAD behaviors have worsened too. Again, this too is to be expected. But I didn’t realize how much they had improved until they started getting bad again. She is testing boundaries nonstop. She wants to see if we are safe and going to keep loving her. She won’t/can’t make much eye contact with us.  She baby-talks or mumbles all the time.  She wants to do everything for herself which means getting in our way to do so.  This morning she didn’t want me pouring her milk for her cereal (which I do every morning), so she grabbed it from my hand practically spilling the entire gallon all over the kitchen. Then she glared at me as if it were my fault.  At night, she lays on top of her covers so that I cannot cover her up, but then as soon as I leave her bed room, she sobs and screams because I didn’t cover her up. I can’t win.

She doesn’t act eleven. But she looks it. So in public it is really hard to cover up and be nonchalant about her behaviors. While I am not embarrassed by her, I am embarrassed for her. We find ourselves doing a lot of damage control. I don’t want her to sabotage her relationships with her friends. I don’t want her to get a reputation for being a baby or immature.

The worst part of this is that it shouldn’t be this way! We should have been allowed to adopt her. She has been in our home for seven and a half years. She hardly knows her bio-family. She doesn’t want to know they any better. She should be celebrating life, not living in fear of it!

When She Cries

Her tears fall daily, filling her beautiful brown eyes, then cascading down her cheeks.  Her sobs are uncontrollable as they shake her little body. “Please help me, Mama,” she begs me. But nothing that I do seems to take away her pain. She is drowning in despair. She feels helpless and scared.

When she cries, I feel helpless and scared.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Stick close to her, God. Be her strength and her peace. Please, God, only You can help her. Only You can give her what she needs.  Please help me to show her Your love and Your strength. Fill our home with happiness and peace. Work a miracle where none can be found.